Beer Talk

(I originally came up with the concept for “Beer Talk” while working on a pitch for Yuengling Lager. I wrote a series of scripts featuring Chip and Don which, sadly, never saw the light of day. I still like them though, so here’s one.)

We’re outside, in the middle of a fenced-in backyard made up of splotchy grass patches. We see a moon bounce and slip-n-slide in the background of the frame, both surrounded by active groups of young kids.

We open on CHIP and DON, facing the camera. They’re standing in front of a steadily smoking grill, both wearing a casual summertime outfit, looking as if they’re on their way to or from some random chores around the house. They’re your everyday suburban Americana heroes. Their speech is droll, kind of monotone. They’re basically just two simpleton fellows you’d see on YouTube trying to make a C-grade web series. They don’t realize it, but they’re hilariously boring and weird. They’re each holding bottle of beer.

A young, very skinny boy runs into the foreground of the frame wearing a bathing suit and swimming goggles, still wet from the slip-n-slide. He’s holding a handwritten sign on posterboard that reads, “BEER TALK.” Some of the ink is running down the poster, caused by the water from his wet hands. He holds the sign up for a few beats, then drops it and runs out of the frame, back to his friends at the slip-n-slide.

CHIP:     Oh, howdy friends. Here we are.

DON:      That’s right Chip. And this is another episode of Beer Talk.

CHIP:     I’ll tell you what, Don. I sure could go for a beer.

DON:     How ‘bout it, Chip.

DON and CHIP both pause, briefly look at the hot dogs on the grill, and take a sip of beer. In the awkward silence, we hear the hot dogs sizzling and children playing in the background.

CHIP:     Well, that beer hits the spot.

DON:      You said it, Chip. [LONG PAUSE] Dogs done yet?

CHIP takes an awkwardly long glance at the grill, then lightly pokes a hot dog with a grill fork.

CHIP:     ‘Nother minute or two.

CHIP and DON take another swig of their beer and stand there for a minute, looking unsure. After a few beats, CHIP looks over his shoulder towards the group of kids. Like a pet owner calling for their disobedient dog, he gives a quick yell of “TIMMY!”

The young, skinny, bathing suit-clad boy runs back to the foreground of the frame, picks up the sign that reads “BEER TALK,” holds it for a moment, then drops it as he scurries out of frame.