Honest Cigarette Advertising

  • Enjoy a smooth cigarette tonight. No hangover tomorrow — just imminent death!
  • For a smooth, menthol taste, choose Newport. Great for the heart!
  • Even Lebron James smokes Camels!
  • I tell my 9-year-old son, “Reach for a Lucky Strike!”
  • Cancer, Schmancer! Light up an Old Gold!
  • Parliament Lights keep my smile pearly white!
  • People who matter smoke Marlboro!
  • Studies show it’s not as dangerous as second hand smoke!
  • Even the Pope smokes Parliaments!
  • Cigarettes don’t kill people, second hand smoke kills people!
  • Makes my hair smell like a motel carpet!
  • Even my pulmonologist is a Marlboro man!
  • I love a nice cigarette break in sub-zero winter temperatures!
  • Lungs? Who needs ‘em!
  • What’s your definition of “toxic”?
  • Even Barack Obama smokes Old Golds!
  • Define “deadly”.
  • Totally not addictive at all, like not even a little bit.
  • Everything you’ve heard about us is a lie.
  • The only side effect is increased coolness!
  • Phlegmy coughs are all the rage!

This post was originally published on my Medium.